I MUST WRITE...

The other day as I was walking on my treadmill, I texted my husband, henceforth referred to as “the Lovebug,” (or, on rare occasion, as “Steve,” which also happens to be his real name) the following: “Lovebug. I MUST WRITE. Every spare minute. It is what I NEED to do. Thank you for loving me.” His response, “Absolutely! Help me know what I can do to make that happen for you.” He knew. Because he knows me. He knew I wasn’t talking about writing, because I actually do quite a lot of that. He knows that I must now WRITE. I must write from ME, more genuinely than I have ever written before. Less fearful of what I DON’T know (for fear I will be judged) and more ok in knowing what I DO know because it’s from my experiences, personally and professionally and because it’s from my heart and soul. I have to write, not because I am a prolific writer or because what I have to say hasn’t been said before, but because it is time. I know it is time for three reasons 1) because every time I read lately, I literally, physically feel the MUST related to my NEED to write, 2) because earlier this month I received a “message” in the form of a gift from a woman I very much admire and respect for the unbearable pain she has been through in life and the amazing resiliency and positive attitude she chooses to maintain while allowing herself to grieve as needed; the gift is a desk plaque that reads, “Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail,” and 3) because the same day I got that gift, I received another “message” in the form of a gift from a woman whose courage to grow and become more her authentic self awes and encourages me; it is a bracelet with a number 33 charm on it which, according to the numerology description it came with means, “Master numbers indicate that you have learned the lessons of numbers 1-9 and have come to help mankind. With double the creative traits of the number three, the number thirty-three is a master teacher and healer. Said to be knowledgeable both emotionally and intellectually, people who embody this number use their whole selves to contribute to the betterment of the world. Be an inspiration to others and integrate your physical, emotional, and mental state with your higher will. Be grounded in your own ability to create change.” 

I have come to accept that I am on this earth in part to do my part to help mankind. I am also more willing to believe that I am teacher and one who helps others to heal themselves. And I am willing to be grounded and lead by my creator to believe in, and share what I have learned with others to help create positive change in whatever ways I can.

And so, I MUST WRITE. It occurred to me to wait until the beginning of the New Year, which is only a few weeks away. But why? This is not a New Year’s Resolution. This is my MUST in life. Unless I want to let my MUST pass me by, which I do not. I think it’s interesting and suspect there are probably some research findings out there somewhere in the world related to this… I wonder how many children are aware at some level of their MUST at an early age and let someone know in one way or another. I also wonder how many of us on this earth follow through with our MUST. Heck, maybe not everyone has a MUST, although I do believe each of us has gifts, talents, skills, and abilities that are uniquely ours that we can choose to employ and/or impart - or not. They say there’s nothing new under the sun, but there sure are a lot of different personalities and learning styles. So, although I do not envision myself reinventing the wheel, it could be that my voice speaks to a select group who get my style and thereby make great changes in their lives, which I firmly believe positively benefits generations to come. I hope to reinvent the scale (as in, the one we weigh ourselves on), but that is for future ramblings.

I suspect that many, many (or “yots and yots,” as my tiny grandson would say, rather than the more clearly understood “lots and lots” of) people lose the vision of who they were born to be and what they were born to contribute to this world. I have a hunch I’ll share my thoughts on how people lose sight of themselves in the process of following through with my MUST writing.

In a box of miscellaneous momentos from my childhood is the assignment every child who has ever been in the 2nd grade has completed: “Answer the following question. When I grow up, I want to be a __________________.” My second grade self not only told the teacher, but she wrote a letter (to whom, I am unaware) that read, “I would like to be an author. I cannot draw well so I will need someone else to illustrate.” And so, there you have it. I MUST write. I knew it in the second grade. I was accurate about the drawing thing, too, by the way.

So what MUST I write about? OH, yeah! I forgot! There is a fourth reason I know it is time I MUST write. If you know much about me, then you know I’m not often afraid to inquire about something I want to do. Truly the worst that can happen is I’ll be told, “No.” And “no” has happened a whole heap of times (I haven’t the slightest idea how many “no’s” constitute a “heap,” but I’ve had plenty of them.) I’ve also had some really cool affirmative responses; hence, the reason for many an incredible experience in my life. I wasn’t afraid to ask because the “rejection,” if it came, usually only stung for a moment and then I moved along, knowing that particular situation wasn’t meant for me. This week, however, after attending a truly riveting continuing education program (yes, I am being serious), I sent in a proposal to present a continuing education class of my own as a course offering for this company. Within days I received a notification from the continuing education company asking for a time to chat. After 30 minutes of a relaxed and sincere talk about the great things about being from the Midwest (he works in Wisconsin and I lived for 33 years in Iowa), about how walking onto the Master’s Golf Course (and Lambeau Field) are examples of walking on hallowed ground, and about my history of direct sales (yes, knocking on doors) as an encyclopedia sales person, we finally got down to the real reason for the conversation. This man (speaking of direct) informed me that the topic I submitted for a continuing education course, does not, historically, draw an audience of fellow mental health practitioners. He did however, tell me he wanted me to present for them, based on my work history and my really great website (thanks to my son)! He gave me homework and we have an appointment to speak again on January 4th. I am come up with a marketing brochure based on what I am passionate about. I know exactly what that is. I have yet to crystalize my thoughts and need a robust title. I think you’ll help me with that in the next few days.

For now… How about you? Do you have something you MUST do in this world? Have you ignored the signs? What’d you think of first when you read those words: “Do you have something you MUST do in this world?” Give it some thought!