“Meaningful Matters” to replace “Resolutions!”
/Curiosity about the origins of New Year’s resolutions led me straight to the quickest source of information I know: Google. Sure enough, there was the sought after knowledge, straight from the wizardry known to us as Wikipedia. What I learned is that, “Babylonians made promises to their gods at the start of each year that they would return borrowed objects and pay their debts. [1]The Romans began each year by making promises to the god Janus, for whom the month of January is named.” [2]
Having a prior life as a salesperson, I know the value of stating specific goals. We are more likely to follow through with the behaviors that support our said goals if we state them clearly. Writing them down and telling others about them increases the odds of our following through with these behaviors.
So what about those for whom the stating of, the writing down of, and the sharing of specific goals does not translate into changed behavior? Not an easy answer, that. Possibilities include (but are certainly not limited to):
· the person didn’t really want to make the changes
· they get more out of being a “failure,” (which may even give them a perceived excuse to continue the behavior)
· they may have bought into negative messages they received about themselves as a child and are playing out the negative role,
· or they may have an addiction in action.
Let’s set the addiction possibility aside for purposes of this conversation, at least until the end of the blog.
Rather than set “resolutions,” which, although helpful in some cases, are typically focused on the letting go of, or incorporating of, a specific behavior. Think weight loss, smoking cessation or the addition of exercise or quiet time.
Think bigger! Think about the kind of person you want to be overall. Think in terms of what I call “Meaningful Matters.” And consider this in many areas of life, rather than limiting yourself to a potentially short-lived, one-area-of-life issue. After all, I would guess most New Year’s Resolutions fall squarely into a health-related category.
Hey, I’m all about good health! In fact, I suggest you establish Meaningful Matters in the area of health, as well as in other important areas of your life including relationships, spirituality, education, career, finances, and anything else you deem to be a significant area of your life.
To determine your Meaningful Matters, start with one area of your life. Since you may have made some health-related resolutions in the past few days, let’s go with the Health area of life. I’ll show you how creating Meaning Matters makes better sense than making resolutions and how Meaningful Matters help guide you toward becoming and remaining the kind of person you want to be!
I’ll go first. I’m going to list as many things about my physical health I can think of that are important to me (at least in the five or ten seconds I’m going to give it):
- maintaining a healthy weight for my body frame
- consuming foods that have a high nutritious value for me at least 85% of the time
- eating at regular intervals and not skipping meals
- exercising a minimum of 45 minutes, doing cardio and/or resistance exercises 4 or 5 days a week
- maintaining a regular schedule of routine check-ups for overall health, female health and dental health
- getting a minimum of 7 hours of sleep each night
- consuming a minimum of 60 ounces of water each day
Next, I will synthesize that list into 1 – 3 statements that capture what is most meaningful to me in terms of maintaining good health. These statements will describe what matters the most to me about my health. For example, my Meaningful Matters in terms of my health are:
1. It is meaningful for me that I eat healthy foods and drink water on a regular basis throughout the day.
a. To me, this is defined as:
i. maintaining a healthy weight for my body frame
ii. consuming foods that have a high nutritious value at least 85% of the time
iii. eating at regular intervals and not skipping meals
iv. drinking at least 60 ounces of water per day
2. It matters to me that I obtain exercise on a consistent basis.
a. To me, this is defined as:
i. exercising a minimum of 45 minutes, doing cardio and/or resistance exercises 4 or 5 days a week
3. It matters that I obtain regular health care from qualified professionals.
a. To me, this is defined as:
i. maintaining a regular schedule of routine check-ups for overall health, female health and dental health
So then what?
Then I use these three Meaningful Matters as a guide for my Health behavior throughout the day, every day! I can easily do this by asking myself one simple question:
“Will ______________________________ move me closer to, or farther from, the person I say I want to be as I defined in my Meaningful Matters?”
For example, let’s say there are two days left in the week and I have exercised only twice already during this week. I said it is important to me to exercise 4-5 times each week. Assuming I am not sick and there are no circumstances preventing me from exercising, this means I am going to exercise on both of those two remaining days. Why? Because I said (not my doctor said, or my spouse said, or my mother said… but I said) exercising 4-5 times a week is what is meaningful to me. This is how I describe the person I say I want to be.
So then I say to myself, “Self - will skipping my workout lead me closer to, or farther from, the person I say I want to be?” Obviously, skipping the workout moves me farther from who I have determined I want to be. Farther from what I have stated is meaningful to me. Away from what matters to me in terms of my health.
And so, because I value what I have said matters to me, I follow through with my exercise. I actually use the mantra I developed years ago when it comes to exercising, whether I feel like it or not. I say to myself, “It’s what I do.” Saying that over and over to myself prevents an argument with myself. I said this is who I want to be and “it’s what I do.” No debate. I exercise.
Then you do the same thing in the other significant areas of your life: Finances, Relationships, etc. Write a list of the things that matter to you and having meaning for you in each area. Then synthesize the list into a few statements, which are your Meaningful Matters!
For the rest of your life, when faced with a decision in whatever area, ask yourself:
“Will ______________________________ move me closer to, or farther from, the person I say I want to be as I defined in my Meaningful Matters?”
Not to belabor the point, but here are a few examples for other areas:
“Will nagging at my husband to take out the garbage move me closer to, or farther from, the person I say I want to be as I defined in my Meaningful Matters regarding Relationships?
“Will spending this $150 not allocated in my budget move me closer to, or farther from, the person I say I want to be as I defined in my Meaningful Matters regarding Finances?”
“If I call in sick today, even though I’m feeling fine, will I move closer to, or farther from, the person I say I want to be as I defined in my Meaningful Matters regarding my Career?
You get it. Using Meaningful Matters can be a much more rewarding experience than setting short-term, limited “Resolutions.” Take some time and follow the few steps to determine who it is you want to be by identifying with is most Meaningful, and what Matters most to you in the important areas of your life.
Then get into the habit of making decisions by asking yourself that one simple question:
“Will ______________________________ move me closer to, or farther from, the person I say I want to be as I defined in my Meaningful Matters?”
Before I write “The End,” let me explain why I set the addiction possibility aside earlier. If a person is struggling with an addiction, they need to first acknowledge the addiction and completely abstain from the addictive substance or behavior before they will have the ability to follow through with their Meaningful Matters, at least in some situations. (And don’t start with the, “I’m a food addict and I have to eat to live.” Yes, you do have to eat to live. However, you are most likely very aware of what foods trigger you and you do not have to eat those foods to live. There are thousands of healthy foods to choose from that will not trigger that addiction.) Also, please don’t hear what I’m not saying! I am NOT saying that Meaningful Matters won’t ever work for an active addict. I am saying addiction complicates things. I’ll tackle that in another writing, but for now, get busy writing your Meaningful Matters and then live like the person YOU want to be!
Ok. “The End.” For now.
1. Lennox, Doug (2007). Now You Know Big Book of Answers one of the amazing thing. Toronto: Dundurn. p. 250. ISBN 1-55002-741-7.
2. Jump up^ Julia Jasmine (1998). Multicultural Holidays. Teacher Created Resources. p. 116. ISBN 1-55734-615-1
